please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
