i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
