Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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