Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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