the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
