Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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