I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
