Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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