Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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