I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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