Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
