we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
