as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
