I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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