the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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