I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just high enough for therapy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
