Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
