today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Your cock deserves a montage
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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