drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
