barbara walters just said penis...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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