your parents love me but you hate me
actually, I'm a sock model
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
