Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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