I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
