i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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