clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
