We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I die, sorry about rent.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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