was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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