you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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