I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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