Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
