If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
