Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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