I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
