Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
