did you get engaged???
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
is it fun? or sober?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
