everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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