Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
