He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
