We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
