talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
