i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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