I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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