this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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