We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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