dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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