Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize