At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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