I wish you could order shots online.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
