Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
