o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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