the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
