Im at strip club and am horny
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
