and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
