When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
