thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
