i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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