So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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