Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
