I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
