so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
