my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
