btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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