I hate your face
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
