We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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