I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
