Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
ttyl tear gas
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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