There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize