she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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