You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
