Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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