OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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