I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize