You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
