My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
