You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize