Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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