just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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