White coat. Heels.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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