I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
