yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize