what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
