carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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