Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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