Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
