i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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