I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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